I’ve been struggling with not feeling like I have “enough”. There is this big hole in my life now, and I feel like I need to fill it. I have been praying that God will help me to just be content with all He has given me and blessed me with.
My in-laws gave me a really great book called The Valley of Vision. It’s a book of Puritan prayers. I’ve been reading various prayers each night for a little more than a week now. The first few days I was searching the table of contents for prayers that are specific to my situation … prayers about grief and God’s answers during trials and tribulation. As I began reading, I realized that ALL of the prayers are specific to me. They are all focused on the goodness of our Heavenly Father, my own unworthiness, and my great need for Him. So, each night I open the book to a random prayer and read it. Amazingly, or should I say typical for our God, every prayer has applied to my life that day.
Last night, after a tough day and a lot of prayers for contentment, I opened the book to a prayer called Fullness. It was exactly what I needed. It reminded me that God is Enough. My contentment can’t be found in my family, house, job, friends or anything God has blessed me with on this earth. My contentment can only be found in a God that is full of the goodness, strength, wisdom, mercy and love I need to make it through the death of a child and all of the other trials this life brings. He is all sufficient.
You have revealed to me that I am a mass of sin, and you are the fullness of goodness,
with strength enough to aid me,
wisdom enough to guide me,
mercy enough to quicken me,
love enough to satisfy me.
You have shown me that because you are mine
I can live by your life,
be strong in your strength,
be guided by you wisdom;
and so I can give my thoughts and heart to you.
This is the exchange of wonderful love –
for me to have you for myself,
and for you to have me, and to give yourself to me.
In you is all fullness of the good I need,
and the fullness of all grace to draw me to yourself,
who, else, could never have come.
But having come, I must cleave to you,
be knit to you,
always seek you.
There is none all good as you are:
With you I can live without other things,
for you are God all-sufficient,
and the glory, peace, rest, joy of the world
is a creaturely, perishing thing
in comparison with you.
Help me to know that he who hopes for nothing but you,
and for all things only for you, hopes truly,
and that I must place all my happiness in holiness,
if I hope to be filled with all grace.
Convince me that I can have no peace at death,
nor hope that I should go to Christ,
unless I intend to do his will
and have his fullness while I live.