Refinement in the Waiting

I am impatient.
I am a control freak.
I like to get things done without wasting time.
I desire perfection.
I do not wait well.

Something unfamiliar is happening in my life. I believe it’s called God shaping me into His own image, but the jury is still out at the moment.

Prior to this past year of trusting the Lord with everything, I would have come up with a plan to “share my story with the world” without seeking God’s will, because I always seemed to know what was best. On top of that, I’m a doer, and doers just get things done. I would’ve written my blog post, hit publish right away, and moved on to the next thing. I probably would have stopped writing after the first few posts, because the purpose would have been unintentionally self-serving rather than intentionally God-serving. The truth hurts.

These days I find myself waiting a few days before posting anything I’ve written. Each day the post gets a little bit better, because God reveals something to me that I didn’t know before. The process of waiting on God produces better ideas and teaches me along the way. The waiting gives me confidence that God is behind the words written on the page.

While I’m getting better at waiting it’s hard to get rid of old ways completely. A week or two goes by without a new post and I begin to feel anxious, like I’m failing at this thing called Peace in the Waiting. I struggle with my “marketing” desire to do everything a certain way like post X times per week for maximum frequency. It’s crazy how much I overthink everything in pursuit of perfection!

However, something great happens when I let go of the anxiousness and desire for perfection and realize that it’s not possible to fail at something that’s not mine. When my desire is to glorify God through every part of my life, down to each blog post I write, God somehow gives me something to say when I have nothing at all to say.

A song from my youth has new meaning for me in light the events that took place in 2017 …

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, you reign forever
Our hope, our strong deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won’t grow weary

I don’t know why He picked me for this journey, and there are days when I wish He didn’t. I grow weary easily. But just like the song says, I have found that my strength rises when I wait for the Lord.  Not just in my writing but in every part of my life.

I pray with all of my heart and soul that God will be glorified through this blog and my journey. That someone will be encouraged, find God, trust God more, or be reminded that true peace only comes from the Lord.

Or, just maybe the purpose of all of this to shape me into the person He intends me to be!