Over the past week our family and friends have been talking about what God taught us in 2019 and what we are looking forward to God doing in 2020. It was easy for me to come up with an answer, although not as easy for me to say it out ...
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I have so many questions about prayer. I would imagine that we all do in some way or another. The past two years have been filled with questions as I deal with loss, disappointment, and questioning how God plays a part in it all. Can prayers really change the outcome ...
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This past week has been one I never in a million years believed I would have to write about. I thought when I lost my son, Andrew, at 27 weeks only two years ago that I surely had a pass on heartache for a least a little while. And I ...
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We are all searching for the cure to something we are facing in this world… A child who has left this earth before the mother who was supposed to protect him. A parent gone from our lives before we are ready to no longer have the guidance and love we ...
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It feels as if you are two different people at the same time - I am pulled from one direction to another with little control over my emotions. One minute I am at peace, because I have confidence that God is in control and the faith to continue trusting him ...
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Dear Andrew, One year has passed since you came into this world. It happened so fast. One minute I was a mother of three. I blinked my eyes and became a mother of four. I never thought four was in my cards but God's ways are always better than my ...
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Since I have been home from my mission trip, I have read through all of my blog entries and experiences. I have been contemplating how everything I experienced on the trip applies to Peace in the Waiting. Peace in the Waiting is not just about child or reproductive loss. It ...
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Today was a day of relaxation and fun. We got to enjoy the water and beach before leaving the Dominican Republic. I often have to remind myself that even God and Jesus rested. It doesn’t come easily to me, but today was very nice. We started our day in town ...
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We spent today on the mountain in Santa Elena. While I have loved every day here, this day blessed me beyond measure. Wonderful memories from this day doing God’s work! Yesterday we went to the store to buy food for several families. I bought food to take to two widows ...
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It’s was a beautiful, hot day in the Dominican Republic with no clouds or rain like the two previous days. We went on a short ride to another community where HMM has a children’s church. We handed out the rest of the rice and beans that we packed to families ...
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The day started out very hot. My cotton shirt did not hold up well to the sweat! We walked through the community handing out rice and beans to families who would speak with us. I got to see Rosa and her baby girl. Rosa and her sister were headed to ...
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Today was a rainy day which was a blessing in disguise because it lowered the temperature by 10+ degrees. Our work today pushed me outside of my comfort zone for sure. I desired so badly to be able to communicate with the people here but was unable to without a ...
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The trip was a success and we are now safely in the Dominican Republic. However, as with any travel, there were many times throughout the day that could have turned my excitement and anticipation into frustration. But I didn't let it! The day started at DFW airport. I got there ...
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When we experience something difficult, it’s our natural tendency to reach out to others who have experienced something similar. It is somehow comforting to know that we are not alone in our suffering. Several women have reached out to me for encouragement as they attempt to seek God during dark ...
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Had I known that Andrew was going to die after only four days of life on this Earth I would have done things differently. I wouldn’t have gone back to my hospital room each night. I would have stayed by his side for four days straight. I would have brought ...
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I was cooking chicken quesadillas for dinner a few nights ago. I opened the cabinet to get the cooking spray and fumbled with all of the stuff on the shelf. The glass pepper shaker got away from me and fell from the cabinet, onto the counter, and then the floor ...
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Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you needed God so badly you could hardly breathe? When all you wanted was to read His word and seek His answers because you had none of your own. For me, 2017 was one of seeking the Lord with all ...
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I am impatient. I am a control freak. I like to get things done without wasting time. I desire perfection. I do not wait well. Something unfamiliar is happening in my life. I believe it’s called God shaping me into His own image, but the jury is still out at ...
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Bright, vibrant colored balloons fill the beautiful blue sky Rays of sunshine radiate the most incredible warmth ever felt A gentle breeze sweeps through the trees, grass and flowers in acknowledgment of God’s greatness Millions of souls gather together singing in perfect harmony the most beautiful songs ever heard Dancing ...
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I stood in the shower this morning and could barely contain my excitement at the news that baby Nixon is getting a perfectly matched heart only five days after being added to the transplant list. I praised God for his provision and for answering this prayer so quickly. I thought ...
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We live in a world of people who expect and demand immediate gratification. We want everything now and don’t like to wait for anything. We wish our lives away, waiting for the next thing ahead of us. We can’t wait to get out of high school, leave our parents, and ...
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I should be in the hospital today delivering my 4th child and 2nd boy, Andrew James Chase. Instead I am thinking back over the past 10 months of my life, without a baby in my arms, and wondering how I am still standing. Peace is something we all desire. It’s ...
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Remaining at peace during the most difficult time of your life has proved to be a great struggle and challenge. I continue to seek God's peace daily. If you have never had a little one in the NICU, it can be a very scary, overwhelming place. Babies fighting for their ...
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My oldest daughter, Audrey, is 11 years old and was recently given an assignment at school to write a personal narrative. One of the options was to write about a day that changed her life. I asked her if she would be willing to share her story with all of ...
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Milestone: First week back to work is finished. Monday night I posted "Grief is like the Ocean" and described the progress I've made through this whole grief process. Then, Tuesday morning came, the tide rose, and waves crashed over my head relentlessly. I knew they would eventually overwhelm me again ...
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Who doesn’t love a nice, relaxing trip to the beach? I know I do! To sit on the balcony (or on your lounge chair if you are a sand person) and admire this massive body of water that God created. It extends as far as the eye can see and ...
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I’ve been struggling with not feeling like I have “enough”. There is this big hole in my life now, and I feel like I need to fill it. I have been praying that God will help me to just be content with all He has given me and blessed me ...
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When you experience difficult times in life, it’s really hard not to ask “why” – even when you trust that God has a plan. I think it’s just in our human nature to want answers. Or maybe it’s just in my nature! I pray often that God will forgive me ...
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I just heard, for the first time the other day, a song by Tauren Wells called “Hills and Valleys.” It, of course, made me cry, but, more importantly, it spoke to me through my sadness. We’ve all experienced pain and joy and heartbreak and abundant blessings at some point in our lives ...
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Our understanding of grief and pain is only as great as what we have experienced personally. When the most devastating thing you have experienced happens, you can't imagine or understand how something could be any worse. We hear and see people's grief but we really can't understand it fully. That's ...
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I was listening to 94.9 KLTY - Your Life. Inspired this morning. The song "You are Loved" by Stars Go Dim came on and was a great reminder. We are all "fearfully and wonderfully made" and loved by a God who created the heavens and the earth. No matter what you are going through ...
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The depths of despair, loss, and heartache that come with losing a child are hard to explain in words. It’s like a part of your body and soul is missing and can never be replaced. Your heart, so full of love for this child, has a hole the size and ...
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Dear friends and family, There are no words to adequately express the emotions we have experienced over the past six months. There have been moments of joyful praise mixed with times of great sadness and disappointment. We knew from the beginning we were not equipped to handle such a journey ...
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Although this was an extremely difficult day, I am happy we were able to honor Andrew's life with family and friends in such a beautiful way. All my amazing women helped me last night to get the programs and gifts ready, pick out photos, create a shadow box of memories ...
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My beloved friend, Karen Wollman, set up an Online Candlelight Vigil for Andrew. We have people from all of the world who have been praying for our sweet little boy and will not be able to join us in person for the memorial service. Please join us to celebrate the life ...
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Day 5 – July 14, 2017 Stacey and my in-laws left bright and early to make the 7 hour drive back to Mississippi. The kids were on their way to Arizona with my sister and her family. And, Peter stayed home last night. It is just me. I got up ...
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Day 4 – July 13, 2017 We met with the doctor mid-morning. She says that Andrew is still very stable for a 27-week old preemie. His pH and CO2 are still exactly where they need to be. His platelet count is good which means that we do not need to ...
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Day 3 – July 12, 2017 My early morning prayer today, as I heard the other newborn babies crying on the mother-baby floor and laid in my bed wondering how this would all turn out for our family, was: "Father, into your hands I commit myself and our precious baby ...
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Day 2 – July 11, 2017 We received more positive news this morning. Andrew's numbers are very slowly coming up. His pH is at a 7.16. The metabolic acidosis is still an issue. His medical angels weened him way down on the ventilator. At some point he did not like ...
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Day 1 – July 10, 2017 Our sweet baby boy, Andrew James Chase, was born today at 1:49 pm weighing 1 lb. 12  oz. and measuring 12.5 inches long. He is beautiful with perfectly pink skin. I am amazed at how very small he is. I was able to get ...
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Back in February, I found out I was pregnant with my fourth child. At 12 weeks we learned that we would be having a little boy (Andrew James Chase) and that he would most likely be Down Syndrome. At 22 weeks we learned that he has an AV canal heart ...
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